Designing modesty

“A designer knows he has achieved perfection not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.”

– Antoine de Saint-Exupry

Recently, there’s been a lot of hullaballoo surrounding an article in the June issue of the Friend magazine. I’m not going to discuss the virtues of whether or not you should allow four year old girls to wear sleeveless sundresses — that has been discussed in the Bloggernacle ad nauseum. My main concern about the modesty issue (concerning the Church) is how convoluted our stance on modesty has become (especially for girls). Here are some rules (though they are not limited to this list), as codified into our culture by the For the Strength of  Youth pamphlet and the hallowed Honor Code of BYU*:

– No sleeveless anything, whether it be tank top, spaghetti strap, or otherwise. Halter tops are right out.

– All shorts must cover the knee

– No more than one pair of earrings for girls, no more than zero pair of earrings for boys

– Do not wear tight-fitting clothes

– Always cover your stomach

– Avoid extreme styles and colors (I’ve always wondered what they did in the 1980s with this rule, what, with the preponderance of lime green and hot pink)

– Guys should have well-trimmed, non-shaggy haircuts, no facial hair, and, if mission standards are to be followed, a part in the hair as well

– No tattoos, even if it’s like, a totally radical tattoo of a Chinese character

– Clothes should not be low cut in the front or back

– One piece swimsuits for the ladies

– And now, apparently, no sleeveless for little girls either

I’m a big believer in simplicity. Though I fail at it many times, I try to live as simple and as modest a life as possible. I believe that ultimately, a well-lived, modest life will have trimmed away the gluttony and excess and spend its time doing that which has the greatest and most value. I believe this concept applies in many situations, including my spiritual and religious life.

The modesty rules we have currently today are anything but minimalist. In fact, most of the rules we have concerning modesty are reactions against cultural trends of which we disapprove. Few, outside of the more vague ones, such as “avoid extreme styles or colors” or “no tight-fitting clothes”, contain any kind of gospel principle (and even then we’re stretching it); rather, they sound similar to the edicts of Cosmo’s fashion section, a list of do’s and don’ts to stay “in fashion” with the latest LDS style.

I like to think that Jesus is the prime example of a minimalist. When asked which of the 613 mitzvot (commandments) were the greatest, Jesus boiled them all down (all 613 of them!) into two great commandments:

Jesus said unto him, “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.”

Matthew 22:37-40

The minimalism behind this is breathtakingly beautiful. Yes, commandments and standards are important, but instead of creating a “modesty checklist” (which the Friend also did), couldn’t we instead emphasize that our bodies are gifts from God? If we love God, we will respect and cherish that gift. Empowered by the love of God and a perspective of our place in the universe, we would refuse to abuse and exploit that gift when propositioned to do so by others. Such thinking would allow the flexibility and breathing room for cultural fluctuation but still provide concrete understandings of what is right and wrong. Rather than measuring ourselves against a list of rules, we measure ourselves against our worth prescribed to us by God. We use personal revelation to guide our way. Modesty, like all other commandments and standards, hang from those two great edicts.

Rules are more comfortable precisely because they are so specific and inflexible. We can hide our ignorance of the gospel, our insecurity in our faith, and our anxiety before God’s presence behind the wall of man-made law. We can be mean-spirited, bitter, judgmental, rude, spiteful, proud, back-biting, or all of the above, but as long as we pay our tithing, attend Church services, and do our home/visiting teaching, we’re still “righteous,” even if the love of God is not within us. It is easier to teach and instill skirt length, sleeve length, midriff coverage, one-piece swimsuit expounding, and one-pair-of-earrings exposition in 30 minute bite-size increments in Sunday School than either the love of God, or the love of others. Yet it is exactly the latter that saves and has eternal worth.

So what would Jesus say? Suppose a faithful disciple approached him and asked, “Master, which of these modesty rules are the most important? No bare-midriff? No knee-cap flashing?” The great thing is that deeply embedded in the For the Strength of Youth pamphlet, we already have such a minimalist statement that Jesus could possibly make:

Ask yourself, “Would I feel comfortable with my appearance if I were in the Lord’s presence?”

I propose that we eliminate all else in the “Dress and Appearance” section of the For the Strength of  Youth pamphlet and teach our youth this one basic principle above all else when teaching modesty. All in favor, please manifest in the comments. Any opposed do so by the same sign.

_____________________________________________

* I’m not sure if including the BYU Honor Code in our list of unofficial official cultural standards for modesty will garner controversy or not, but BYU is possibly the single greatest exporter of Church culture, and so I have included it as most Mormons would probably agree to the standards espoused in the Honor Code anyway concerning modesty.

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4 Comments

Filed under education, parenting, religion

4 responses to “Designing modesty

  1. dteeps

    A very nice approach. And I’m surprised, really. It has seemed that the Church has gone pretty minimalist in other aspects, asking members to obey the big commandments and rely on personal revelation for the other things.
    I’ve never liked the list of do’s and do not’s that are so prevalent in Sunday School classes: What are good Sunday activities? Yadda, yadda, yadda. But that’s the easy way out. We set up for ourselves lists of rules to keep us from having to think about what the standards really are and living them honestly.

  2. I like the list in this blog. I didn’t think it was this long (it’s prolly longer). My biggest thing is that the psuedo dress-standards for members are actually pretty silly. I live in Provo and it took me a while to make the connection between my long hair and no callings for over three years (Imma dude). I’ve got a TR and I never skip church. I think dress-standards as a basis of character judgement is only the evidence of small minds forming opinion (a pharasaic example of hedge-building around hedges around the hedges that protect the law).

    I guess a simplicity guideline might be: if your grandma would bark at you, it might be too much for church. Still, two of my uncles have long hair and one has a beard. The question might then become whose granny gets to do the barking?

  3. kelsimad

    This was a fantastic post Ted. I actually found it from a comment you made on facebook. I said, “Hey Ted was our home teacher once. I wonder how they are doing!” and found your blog on your profile page.
    Anywho, I completely agree with this. Unfortunately a lot of us are very simple-minded and need those check lists in our lives to help us along, especially me.
    When I discuss modesty with my daughter, I do use some of those guidelines in the list you mentioned but I always explain the reasons behind those rules. I emphasize respect and care for our own bodies and that they are a gift to us from our Heavenly Father which he expects us to take care of.
    I’m teaching sharing time next month and the theme is “My body is a Temple of God.” I really appreciate your ideas and will keep them in mind as I prepare my lessons.
    I look forward to reading more of your blog. ~Keli Dean

  4. Oh Ted, sometimes you say things that I just cannot abide.

    However, this post is not one of them. Thank you for your ever so important criticisms of the immodesty ingrained in the judgements church members make on each other and the world, based on nothing but reactionary silliness.

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