Tales of the Epic Move – Why We Hate San Francisco

I recently sent out three tweets concerning our arrival into San Francisco as we move across the country to our new home in Seattle. They were ambiguous and very angry, and for good measure!

First of all, our MapQuest directions to our hotel simply stopped once it dumped us into San Francisco. Our hotel was The Opal (a very nice, classy hotel) on 1050 Van Ness, but the directions ceased to exist when we arrived on Mission. After an hour of wandering around (and some Mormon cussing), we finally found it, no help to our map. Every time I tried to turn, San Francisco would have two one-way streets in the exact opposite direction I wanted to go in a row, when it normally alternates. Streets would suddenly split and lurch this way and that, leaving us making a wrong turn and going in the complete opposite direction – which would then take us more time to get back as we navigate the ridiculous streets of downtown San Francisco.

Dear San Francisco: You suck.

about 21 hours ago from txt

When we finally got to our hotel, they told us to go park in a garage they have a deal with. We arrived at the doors of the garage at 12:36 am; they apparently close at 12:30 am. We circled around and came back to the hotel. They told us to try another 24 hour garage – which was the same garage that closed at 12:30 am. We circled about again, and finally ended up parking at least five blocks away at valet parking at 1:45 am after driving around aimlessly for a parking garage that wasn’t closed.

My wife grew up all her life in Utah, and if you want to know anything about Utah, it’s that the nightlife usually shuts down after 10 pm. She had heard so many stories about the “big cities” that never slept – and indeed, it seemed that way on the outside in San Francisco. People were walking back and forth with friends, tons of restaurants were still open. In fact, everything was still open – except for parking garages. My wife was sorely disappointed. It seemed illogical – that when visiting San Francisco, you basically had a curfew if you drove here.

After parking, we walked the 5+ blocks back to The Opal, carrying nothing (we were just too tired and frustrated to be walking past a bunch of homeless people with giant sacks of epic lootz on our backs) and finally went up to our room. We showered, and went to bed well after 2 am, even though we came into the city at around 11:30 pm.

Eff you, San Francisco. Eff you. We will NEVER come back again. #epicmove

about 20 hours ago from txt

Also, when we got back to our valet parking, we got our car with our stuff back – almost. My iPod Shuffle was missing. Thanks, San Francisco.

The next morning while driving out, we passed over the bay and I realized that a lot of different things culminated into the horrible night we suffered. In the end, the whole thing was almost comically funny, if it hadn’t happened to me just the night before. The experience would certainly work as fodder for future stories and writing, and it was really a bunch of peoples’ faults – MapQuest for preventing us in getting to our hotel in time, the parking garages of San Francisco for deciding to close relatively early in the night, the urban planners of San Francisco for designing streets while smashed. Just alone, they would act as minor inconveniences, but when combined, they made me so angry that when a grungy old man on a bike ran a red light just as I was about to cross the intersection, I was very seriously tempted to accelerate and hit him.

Goodbye, San Francisco. You made life wretchedly hard for us, but hopefully no hard feelings. #epicmove

about 12 hours ago from txt


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