Obama declared president-for-life; conservative fears come true

WASH., D.C – In a sweeping act, the Democrat controlled Congress helped pass a law declaring Obama as Supreme President for Life, as well as dissolving the legislative branch. Following signing the law amongst smiling Democrat lackies, President Obama then declared martial law, for what he called “the good of the patria – or for you idiot Conservatives who were never educated in brainwashing public schools, the fatherland.” In addition, a new executive order has changed the name of the United States of America to the United States under Allah or Islam, Whichever Comes First.

“The new USAIWCF, or USA for short, will become a great power once again in the eyes of the infidel European countries. What many people didn’t know was that Obama’s frequent trips to the Middle East were to help develop our plan to convert the entire country to Islam and we needed their support,” Harry Reid, Democrat congressman and newly appointed Secretariat of USA Religion, announced to the press today, which has recently been changed to the People’s Press, or “Allah’s Voice, as we like to call it,” according to a recent executive order.

“I got the idea from watching conservative pundits,” President-for-Life Obama said. “They kept talking about how I was bringing the country to fascism and communism. And I decided, why not? I have all this popularity, obviously because I’m just an inexperienced, naive, green behind the ears charlatan with high charisma and excrutiatingly detailed and intricate plans on taking over the country, so I might as well do something with that power.”

When asked by the People’s Press why he decided to do it, he replied, “Well, it’s obvious. Because I hate Christianity and American Prosperity, and decided to insidiously corrupt it from the inside out by playing to the people’s weaknesses and turning them into captive thralls hypnotized by my false pretenses for peace and hope. And also, because I was bored.”

Among other sweeping actions for the new USA is an economy re-tooling program involving herding millions of newly minted Allahians into collective farms where they will be worked to death with little rations and pay for the good of the American Economy, as well as banning guns and religion other than Islam and AK-47s used to dispatch infidels. Other previously controversial but now universally accepted and revered mandates from the Father of our Fatherland include mandatory abortions for females over the age 12, mandatory attendance of public schools/orgies, nationalization of the entire economy and rationing out bread and iron to conserve for the war effort against the bugeoise, mandatory fluorinating the water for preventing tooth decay in the proletariat population, as well as an Obama’s Youth program, which President-for-Life Obama described as “a cross between Boy Scouts, Habitat for Humanity and the Taliban.”

Not all are taking to the Glorious Leader’s inspired dictations, however. The bugeoise, proletariat-hating, Christian God infidel loving Conservative TV and radio personalities Glen Beck, Sean Hannity, Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh sent out an encrypted radio broadcast to “loyalists to all the Founding Fathers” from a hidden secret headquarters somewhere in the Rocky Mountains betwixt Utah and Colorado, urging their fellow followers in hiding to “wake up, sound the alarm, and fight back against this fascist regime instituted by the first black Muslim president.” This was followed by a smarmy “Didn’t I tell you this was going to happen?” as each pundit gloated about their individual prophetic abilities.

They promptly then woke up out of this dream and realized that the country probably is in no real danger to becoming either Nazi Germany or Soviet Russia and moved on with their lives.

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2 Comments

Filed under politico, wordsmithing

2 responses to “Obama declared president-for-life; conservative fears come true

  1. findcyndy

    Rush Limbaugh is a fat, obnoxious, low I.Q., hateful, racist, narrow-minded, ridiculous loudmouth. Period. His listeners are the hate mongers and sheltered, rich dumbasses who still think you can get V.D. from the toilet seat. People so backward and stupid you wonder how they make it through the day all by their dumb selves. Shut up Rush. The whole world is sick of you.

    • Eric the Awesome

      Whoa there findcyndy! How about some debate on the virtues of El Rushbo?! He actually has some clever, humorous things to say, and serves to balance out the generally leftist media out there. As one of his listeners, I wouldn’t describe myself as too hateful (unless you are a Lakers fan), neither am I rich, and in Idaho has provided me a very diverse, unsheltered life.
      His show can be listened to online. You should give it a try.
      Also recommended is my man Michael Savage 🙂 … although you may find yourself very angry after listening to him rant

      to your credit, you are right about the fatness of Rush, though.

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